kevin 1 YEARS OLD

You think you know some one and then they turn in to the worst person EVER

Sorry...

Sorry It took so long to make new blogs i have been pretty busy but i will try to keep up with everything.. Ill Start tommorow again... sorry

Where did you go???

Never Alone ~ Barlow Girl
I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.
I needed You today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
you said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

Chorus
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.

And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Chorus
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

We cannot separate
You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Chorus
I cried out with no reply
and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone




I choose this song to write about because it had some truth to it for me. I guess this is a song about god. And how even though he's invisible that he's there. And that she can feel him there even though you cant see him. Which i guess that is kind of the truth in this song. But my main problem is i know he's invisible and i know that i can't feel him even if he is there. I do not know what i think about God and i do not know if right know is the best time for God in my life. People always say that God Loves you but why would God love me? Why would any one love me? I guess thats a big stumper. I had a talk with my friend sonya a while ago and we were talking about how we all have to find God on our own trims and maybe just maybe I'm not ready for God. I believe God is real (i think). But i have been hurt a-lot that it is hard to trust anyone and yea that means God. I do not know if love really is out there for me at least. I know there is all different kinds of love. Like mother, daughter love. I look at Sonya and Maia and i see true love that will last forever. ANd that is a love that will be unbroken even through death. That love is amazing and something every girl wishes for. And there's love like...... I really honestly don't know the best way to put it... Like head over heals over some girl/guy. Down in my heart I do not care how horrible person you were or are. I think everyone deserive love like that. I see it in certain peoples eyes and i think thats amazing. And then i look at my self and look at how I loved some one so much just talking to him rips out my heart. You would think begining in other state would help that but doesn't. I loved him with my heart but all i got back was a heart in a million pieces and i do not think he did it on purpise but then agian I am all ways wrong. To be honest my biggest fear is that i will be alone and i know thats really a stupid fear. I'm 16 why would it matter i have my whole life ahead of me. Well honestly it still scares me. Yea i know being with someone just because you are lonely isn't right and I'm not going to do that. I guess i just wish for once i want to be in love with someone who loves me back .... the same or more then i  love them.. i guess it has to wait.


{UgLy}PrInCeSs Signing out:/

ANGER

Im angry at the world. Im angry at god. If god loves us like people say then when did he make us move away from my family and friends... if loved me he would have protected when i was .... if god loved me he would have protected me from David... he would have saved me from pain... but i never see him and never will... he made all this stuff happen to.. how am i suppose to believe he cares when he lets that happen.. I ANGRY WITH HIM.... I moved away from my friends and they were part of me and they were there for me an know im a 1000 miles away from them in a new place and no one to tell me im okay no one to promise me that everything will be okay....Im in a new home with people who dont give a shit if i died or lived IM ANGRY WITH GOD FOR DOING THIS...I never wanted to be in Tennessee :'(

IM NOT OKAY!!!!

All the time my friends ask me if i am okay or they ask how are you? if you knew me you would understand that i wont tell you i am hurt or that im sad or im mad i will lie and say i am happy or that im good and then change the subject to say i miss them or something.... but im getting tried of lying to my friends im tried of saying im okay when im not.....but what can i do.....so i tell them on facebook that im not and the people who cared once and then stoped and when they see something that im not okay they act like they care and that kind-of makes me angry...

But im not okay i never have been i dont know what im not happy i have a good life and i have my happy days but why am i never truely happy....

So basically what this post is saying "IM NOT OKAY" and if i say i am most likely i am lying to you